Saturday, December 26, 2009

Quip of the day

I didn't quite time things right on Christmas eve, so when I came up from downstairs after working out, a few extended family members were already at the parents' house. I was in grey boxer briefs and a beater, so my arse was noticeably wet. My least favorite cousin--a shrill leftist in her early thirties who's back in school on the east coast (on my uncle's dime) for disparate degree number three, this one in elementary education, who proceeded later to share how while student teaching she'd elected to have her kids make "winter holiday" posters instead of Christmas ones as suggested in the teacher's lesson plan--cried out from the living room, "Ew, that's disgusting," as I flew up the second flight of stairs otherwise unnoticed.

She's a plump one, and time isn't making things any better. So I stopped, turned, and shot back "Some people call it disgusting. Others would say not doing it is what's disgusting."

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wait, do you still live at home?

Audacious Epigone said...

No, but I live in the same metro area as my parents and was home all day Christmas eve and Christmas.

OneSTDV said...

Whoa, that's harsh.

Anonymous said...

Works out, plays Magic the Gathering, messes around with statistics and comes up with innovative conclusions for his blog ... you're a total contradiction.

OR,

keeps vital with manly pursuits, diverts himself with parlour games, and maintains scholarly discussions with other well-read gentleman ... you're typical of well-rounded, respectable Victorians.

Does your time machine go both ways? I've had it with the 21st Century.

Anonymous said...

AE- You are a jackass.

Audacious Epigone said...

OneSTDV and anon2,

It was unbecoming to be dripping like that, especially in contrast with the formal attire everyone else was in, and I was irked in having gone on a little longer than I'd planned to.

Sometimes the timing, delivery, and deliverer of remarks come together in such a way that all social propriety is momentarily disabled, for better or worse.

Anon,

Heh, that's nice of you to write. I'm half English by ancestry (the prouder half, I should add!) to boot.

Jokah Macpherson said...

"I was in grey boxer briefs and a beater..."

They do make shorts for this sort of thing now that come down to your knees. I'm just sayin'

I like the comeback, though.

Audacious Epigone said...

Jokah,

They don't always agree with the skin on my thighs. I'm prone to getting red bumps that look like ingrown hairs.

Anonymous said...

Why does uncle keep shelling out the dough?

I met up with a friend briefly over the holiday so our sons could hang out for a while. She also has a daughter in college studying art. I remember her as such a darling and happy teen. Now in college, she is melancholy and barely interested in life. The only time she perked up during lunch is when I mentioned that someday when she gets married, blah, blah, blah. She briefly mentioned someone she was interested in and then sunk back down. Her parents should have worked harder to marry her off to some nice guy instead of pushing her into college. She is a beautiful, tall, very fair red head.

Maybe your uncle missed the boat, too. He should have blown his money on the wedding instead of college. Cousin is 30 and trying to find a way to have a relationship with kids, only unfortunately perhaps in a less healthy way than if she had had her own. Sad really.